History

Why is Britain the only country which seems to be so considerate towards other countries feelings when it comes to marking the anniversiary of any battle where we were the victors?

Obviously my thought dwell upon the impending 'celebration' of Nelsons victory at Trafalgar. As part of the Fleet Review, which is normally carried out to commemorate either the coronation or jubilee of a monarch, there will be a mock battle involving ships from several nation. Rather than have what would be expected on this particular anniversary, the Navy has decided to have a Reds vs. Blues contest. This quote, by our own Second Sea Lord, demonstrates the depths to which this compassion has sunk(forgive the pun):

"the event is a celebration of a battle at sea at the time of Nelson - not an exact mock-up of the British and French at Trafalgar".

OK, so why wait until the 200th anniverary of this particular battle? Surely the best time to perform the Fleet Review would have been in 2002 during the Golden Jubilee celebrations. Oh no, three years ago it was considered too expensive. I'd love to know why it's now cheap enough to do. Do we get a discount from Admiral to insurance the event this year (pun intended on that one) and does that include unintentional emotional distress cover?

History is written by the winning side so the saying goes. I wonder why it is now being changed to ensure we upset no-one when it's mentioned? is anyone else doing it? I doubt it.
I can understand why the defeated nations (and I include Britain) gloss over certain battles where it did nothing to distinguish itself. Example - how many people can name a battle other than Rouke's Drift during the Zulu Wars? I'll even go so far as to accept the constant desire for Hollywood to abuse the term 'artistic licence' in order to get a happy ending (although I stand by my principles for anything where the Yanks were not even involved, I'll just say Braveheart and leave it at that).

The one area I do draw the line is to prevent anyone getting upset about the result.

Do we skirt around the issue every Saterday afternoon when the footie finishes? More often than not there is a winning side and a losing side. Where are President Tony's thought police then? No where in in sight, although that's one bandwagon onto which our illustrious leader often jumps when it suits him.

Note: I'm not going to go off on one about the mentality of football suporters in this post. I'll save that one for later.

What's past is past. History has gone, the result written in the great annals of time. You can't change what happenned after the battle was won. Re-writing the Civil War isn't going to re-attach Charles I's head, re-writing what happened at Hirosima and Nagasaki isn't going to bring millions of people back to life.

Accepting the past is the only way we can we learn from it.

Lightning destroys Star Wars toys

Another from the BBC website:

"The force deserted Star Wars fan Graham Duck when a lightning strike destroyed his £20,000 collection of toys and memorabilia from the films.
The 41-year-old had returned to his home in Loftus, near Redcar, just hours before fierce storms devastated parts of northern England.
Lightning struck the roof of his house, causing a fire in a loft, where he stored his beloved collection.
It took Cleveland Fire Brigade 90 minutes to put out the blaze."

Now that's just unlucky...

Big Brother

Quote from todays BBC website:

"Reality TV show Big Brother portrays role models with values that inspire its viewers, the chief executive of Channel 4 has said.

Andy Duncan said the show offered positive values, transformatory experiences and examples of personal self-improvement and growth.

He added the contestants had "honesty, integrity, constancy and kindness".
Mr Duncan, a practising Christian, was talking to a Christian group about his channel's religious output."

And there was me thinking they were just a shallow collection of self obsessed, media-wannabe whores only loking for their 15 minutes of fame.

Appears that Andy Warhol and myself were wrong about these people, and that Channel 4 is actually showing a reality TV version of the second coming. Do you think that they'll all get completely wasted at the live broadcast of the Last Supper, denounce the latest transvestite to be included on the series as the new Judas (at least they'll get to show a homosexual kiss during the betrayal scene), who will then go on to win his 30 pieces of silver.

At least none of licence fee is going towards this crap.

Cricket

When did Bangladesh get better at cricket?

All the best to them as they progress but there just seems to have been a massive leap in their performances lately.

Do you think that their training regime now includes the liberal drinking of Carling Black Label / Red Bull shandies?

10 Year Labour Transport Plan

Q: How do you get people out of their cars during rush hours and back onto public transport?

A: Increase the price of travel on already overcrowded commuter trains.

This idea has come from people who are professional politicians. Why don't they just shut the fuck up and leave policy making to people who:
a. have actually been on public tyransport,
b. drive their own cars rather than have a publicly funded chauffeur, or
c. have had a proper job at least once in their life (and being an overpaid lawyer DOES NOT count).

Might I suggest, bearing in mind I qualify on all three counts, that the sensible way to reduce the overcrowding on early morning trains, is either to add more carridges or increase the number of trains stopping at stations on their way to London from anywhere where it is possible to afford somewhere to live.

Putting the price up helps no-one get to work, does not reduce overcrowding and further reduces the possibility of anyone transferring out of their cars and onto the trains.

Let the train take the strain? If only it took it off the wallet.

Tom Cruise

Now, I don't normally like Tom Cruise. It's nothing personal, I'm sure he's a truely nice bloke but there's just something about how much he smiles. Nobody should be that happy, even though he's got shit loads of money, a fantastic fiancee (can you believe she's only 26, she's been around for ages and still doesn't look any older than when she was in Dawson's Creek) and a beautful ex-wife (what did he do wrong there? Oh yeah, the Cruz woman!!).

Anyway, enough of my jealousy (the short-arse git) back to the point in hand.

I had to admire the way he deal with that 'jerk' who squirted water at him at the recent premier of War of the Worlds. It's about time someone pointed that these bunch of idiotic fuckwits who seem to think that moronic, immature stunts constitute some form of comedy are in fact just a complete bunch reterded knobjockeys. I don't doubt that there is some appeal within the American market for such stunts, but on that basis alone, my case rests. I will return to the "American Question" in later entries. I might like a bit bush, but not if it comes with a 'W' in front.

Barry Bethal

Whatever happened to Barry Bethal? I'd love to know.

Did he stay on the 'Slim Fast' diet or did he stop and revert to being a big fat chubber?

Barry, if you're out there, I'd love to hear from you and find out how things have gone since you did the advert.

American English

American English.

What the fuck is that? English is English, simple as that. We don't say Canadian French (I know they've only got Quebec left, and doesn't really count, but I couldn't think of any other French colonies) or Mexican Spanish, so why should we accept that the Americans have any claim over any form of the English language? They can't even speak it properly, or spell colour - bet "Speak and Spell" didn't sell too well in the States (that's one for the oldies out there. Remember the advert?).