Barry Bethal - an icon falls from grace

In a follow up to one of my many enquiries regarding faces from the past I've discovered this little gem about Mr Bethel. Granted it's 2 years old by time of reproduction but it was at least posted after my initial post:-

"To the dimly-lit back roads of the Cotswolds, where the fortunes of once-famous
diet-endorser Barry "I Can't Believe I Was That Fat!" Bethel, have taken a distinct turn
for the worse. Barry (58, 20st) was once a little-known but incredibly heavy disc jockey
spinning new romantic tunes at eighties weddings, until one night his life was changed
forever. The turning point came when sweat from Barry's blubbery body dripped onto his
turntables, fusing the equipment and resulting in a minor explosion which singed his eyebrows and upset a nearby bridesmaid.

Badly injured, and bedridden for days with the shock, Barry's wife was forced to finally confront the horror. Beryl Bethel came to see exactly what the incessant pies and pasties had done to her husband, and she decided to take action. Knowing her partner's predilection for milky drinks, Beryl hurried down Londis to buy up their entire stock of the new-fangled 'Slim-Fast Shakes', a development in dieting technology loud-mouthed neighbours had mentioned to her over the garden fence.

Within a few months of subsisting solely on this strange concoction, a chemical slop which swells in the human stomach to make a flabbo feel full and a bit like John Hurt in Alien before the monster bursts out of his chest, Barry was as skinny as Jose Mourinho and happier than a sandboy. On hearing this amazing story of fatboy triumph, the Slim-Fast publicity department recruited Barry to star in a prime-time advert which gained iconic status throughout the nineties.
"I can't believe I was that fat! Me! Barry Bethel!" These words resounded out of TV sets across the UK, inspiring millions of porkers to down revolting pink concoctions in the hope of magically shedding a few pounds. Barry milked the ensuing fame dry, appearing in panto and on celebrity cruises, minor celeb spoils which combined with repeat fees to pay for the Bethels' dream home, a cottage at the foot of a limestone hill in picturesque Gloucestershire. Sadly, after a few years of this idyllic lifestyle, Barry's wife began to notice something wrong. Her husband had become
increasingly withdrawn, spending whole days on his computer and sometimes disappearing in the middle of the night without explanation. Only after the police called to say Barry was in hospital suffering from exposure and likely to be charged with multiple lewd offences, did Beryl finally discover the truth.

Following a trawl of his sexy web-site favourites last Wednesday, Barry arranged to meet with a group of like-minded men in a darkened lane on the outskirts of Bath to watch a couple of exhibitionists 'do the nasty' in a parked Saab. A few minutes into these naughty dogging antics and several middle-aged individuals were gathered to observe the man and woman inside, a couple who suddenly halted their foreplay to produce a pair of shotguns from the back seat. These weren't willing doggers after all, but professional hold-up merchants Trevor and Julie Backwash, two armed chavs who make a career from preying on the foolish and sexually weird of Western England.

The now-flaccid doggers were ordered to give up their wallets and mobile phones before the criminal duo made them strip at gunpoint, stole their clothes, then tied the men up before driving away giggling. The naked perverts were finally found five hours later by a passing milkman who took several polaroids before alerting the authorities. Barry now faces months in prison for indecent behaviour as well as a stay in hospital to treat his pneumonia.

Meanwhile Beryl has gone to stay with her mother for an indefinite period and The Sunday People yesterday bought the rights to several photos of a blue-tinged Bethel hopping around ploughed fields in the nod. These photos will accompany a major story in the paper this weekend, under the headline 'Once-Fat Dogger Loses Everything - Amazing Exclusive!"

I don't know what is more of a shock, the doggingor the fact the Big Barry is 58!!!!

Bet he wished he was still just an anonymous fat f*cker rather than a mostly forgotten z-list skinney-stickboy 'celebrity'.

Sven Hassel

Joined the local library the other Friday (these half day Fridays are fantastic) and managed to pick up 3 Sven Hassel books. I thought these little gems were out of print... Been a few years since I read them but am really looking forward to having another read.

In case you weren't aware of this writer, he was a member of a Germal penal unit during the Second World War and the books are loosely based on his experiences, primarily on the Eastern front.

I heartily recommend you read these books if you get the chance to read them.

P.S. Support your local library.Use it or lose it.