Off he goes again

Hans Moretti

2009-04-16T20:40:00.004Z

Probably the best illusionist ever. A regular on The Paul Danials Magic Show, I best illusion I remember is when he stuck a bowie knife through his forearm, moved it along the length, then removed it withou a scratch or scar. Amazing...

Photography and assult (part 2)

2008-08-19T22:48:00.005Z

I read with interest that an honest, law abiding citizen has been arrested for 'assulting' a police officer by taking a photograph of him reversing the wrong way down a one-way street.

Police 'service'. I no longer think so.

Stuck here

2008-08-06T18:31:00.002Z

Well, my chances of a new and exciting life 'down under' have come to an end for now. The job in Sydney I'd applied for has gone to someone already on site.

Oh well, I'm sure something else will come along.

Photography and Assault

2008-07-21T19:54:00.006Z

Apparently, photographing people without their permission is "assault" according to a recent report in the Daily Mail (see link below) always a good source of non-sensationalist reporting.

It is not illegal to take photos without the permission of the subject, although you may be liable to civil action should the photo be used for commercial purposes (invasion of privacy and so on, although I'd like to see someone take on the paperaizze), although any pictures involving children would be highly suspisious.

May I also refer any readers (if there are any out her) to the pictures below of Prince Charles, which were taken without his permission or knowledge.

If this is the case, I would like to apologise to His Magesty (to be) for any pain he may have received. I will of course be apologising to Clarence House and, if His Magesty (to be) wishes to sue me for assault, I will not contest it (although if he's behind all my other creditors, he's in for a disappointing payout).

I suspect that that this report is more due to the fact that a member of the 'Blunket Brigade of Piss Poorly Trained Plastice Police' (asI believe they should be called) knowing fuck all about the laws of the land that are currently in force and they are employed to enforce.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1036728/Photographing-thugs-assault-police-tell-householder-snapping-proof-anti-social-behaviour.html

FYI: all other photos on this site are from other sources so will probably infringe copyright laws rather than any "assault" claims as they weren't taken by me. So sod off and sue somebody else.

Krakow visit - Auchwitz

2008-07-07T20:47:00.003Z

Whilst in Krakow we went on the tour around the Auchwitz concentration camps. Not what you'd call a barrel of laughs but that's not really the point of it. It was a very moving experience to realise you were walking around an area where numerous thousands of people were put to death simply for not being perfect Germans (it was not just Jews sent here, also Russians, Poles, Romany gypsies, homosexuals etc.) .

You might not be able, gentle reader, to visualise the scale of this operation. By visiting the site and being stood in front of displays which contain just a fraction of the suitcases, spectacles and childrens toys which were brought to the camp by the 'visitors' really brings it to life.

By visiting the Birkenau sitewhere most of the prisoners were housed you can not only see the dehumanising conditions they were subjected to, but also the incredible size of the camp (approx 1 mile long by 1 mile) which they were cramped into.

Krakow visit - Prince Charles

2008-07-07T20:04:00.005Z

Whilst wandering round the Jewish Quarter during my recent visit to Krakow a large crowd of spectators was viewed crowded round a cluster of police vehicles. Naturally, curiosity got the better of myself and my chum so we went to enquire what was going on.

"Charles and Camilla have just gone into the Synagogue" we were informed.

"Oh" we thought, "lets hang about then and cheer like good royalists".

As a result, I managed to capture a couple of snaps of the heir to the throne which I thought I'd share with you.

Digital TV switchover

2008-07-03T19:49:00.002Z

The analogue TV signal is due to be turned off across the country between now and 2012 to be replaced by the digital signal.

For anyone who is unfamiliar with digital TV it is a means to get another stash of cash out of you to purchase a receiver box, then, once you have one, spend the next 20 years trying to get a consistant signal out of it. Unlike the analogue signal, if you do not have a sufficiently strong signal, you get nothing. Gone are the days of squinting at a snowy picture to try and ascertain whats happening, and believe me, it's even more difficult following the plot of Midsummer Murders when all you can see is "No Signal".

And God help you if you don't have a roof mounted aerial. I currently have an indoor aerial, located on my windowsill, which has 2 signal boosters on it and by simply putting 2 large boxes in the vicinity of the receiver box and aerial has caused the loss of about a quarter of the channels and rendered a further quarter to intermittent breaks in the signal.

And, to compound the problems, by attempting to arrange the aerial to improve the reception, it fucks ups the reception of the analogue signal.

So unless someything happens to strengthen the signal, it looks like, due to the removal of the analogue signal and the inconsistancy of the digital signal, that the 2012 Olympics will be watched by only those in strong sgnal areas or who have Sky.

Anyone would think that Rupert Murdoch has some kind of influence over the government of the day. Surely not...

Ana - Round 3

2008-07-03T19:41:00.003Z

Oh well, never mind, always next year. At least you can't get relegated in singles tennis.

Has anyone checked whether Ana isn't part British?

Ana - Round 2

2008-06-25T21:04:00.004Z

As per usual, as soon as I come out in foavour of a particular sportsperson / team they start down the losing path.

Yesterday I posted my backing for Ana I, who has promptly repayed my support by almost going out in her next match.

Come on Ana, you can do better than this. Remember, you don't play for Notts.

Wimbledon

2008-06-24T19:16:00.007Z

As I've never knowingly missed an opportunity to post a photo of an attractive woman on this blog, may I take this opportunity to throw my backing behind Ana Ivanovic for this years tournament.

Unfortunately, I suspect that she will be unlucky this year, despite a fantastic win recently in Paris.

I hope I'm wrong as I feel that Ana is one of the bright young stars emerging from the Balkans and one of the nicest people you could hope to meet (and boy, am I hoping).

And just so you don't think I'm jumping on the bandwagon of a winning player, Ana first came to my attention in 2005 when she partnered Maria Kirilenko at this venue. They didn't do that well, but looked fantastic.

Anyway, enjoy this photo and check out her website, updated regularly.

http://www.anaivanovic.com/

FYI, Maria K went out on Monday in her first match (http://www.mariakirilenko.com/).

Barry Bethal - an icon falls from grace

2007-12-17T23:25:00.001Z

In a follow up to one of my many enquiries regarding faces from the past I've discovered this little gem about Mr Bethel. Granted it's 2 years old by time of reproduction but it was at least posted after my initial post:-

"To the dimly-lit back roads of the Cotswolds, where the fortunes of once-famous
diet-endorser Barry "I Can't Believe I Was That Fat!" Bethel, have taken a distinct turn
for the worse. Barry (58, 20st) was once a little-known but incredibly heavy disc jockey
spinning new romantic tunes at eighties weddings, until one night his life was changed
forever. The turning point came when sweat from Barry's blubbery body dripped onto his
turntables, fusing the equipment and resulting in a minor explosion which singed his eyebrows and upset a nearby bridesmaid.

Badly injured, and bedridden for days with the shock, Barry's wife was forced to finally confront the horror. Beryl Bethel came to see exactly what the incessant pies and pasties had done to her husband, and she decided to take action. Knowing her partner's predilection for milky drinks, Beryl hurried down Londis to buy up their entire stock of the new-fangled 'Slim-Fast Shakes', a development in dieting technology loud-mouthed neighbours had mentioned to her over the garden fence.

Within a few months of subsisting solely on this strange concoction, a chemical slop which swells in the human stomach to make a flabbo feel full and a bit like John Hurt in Alien before the monster bursts out of his chest, Barry was as skinny as Jose Mourinho and happier than a sandboy. On hearing this amazing story of fatboy triumph, the Slim-Fast publicity department recruited Barry to star in a prime-time advert which gained iconic status throughout the nineties.
"I can't believe I was that fat! Me! Barry Bethel!" These words resounded out of TV sets across the UK, inspiring millions of porkers to down revolting pink concoctions in the hope of magically shedding a few pounds. Barry milked the ensuing fame dry, appearing in panto and on celebrity cruises, minor celeb spoils which combined with repeat fees to pay for the Bethels' dream home, a cottage at the foot of a limestone hill in picturesque Gloucestershire. Sadly, after a few years of this idyllic lifestyle, Barry's wife began to notice something wrong. Her husband had become
increasingly withdrawn, spending whole days on his computer and sometimes disappearing in the middle of the night without explanation. Only after the police called to say Barry was in hospital suffering from exposure and likely to be charged with multiple lewd offences, did Beryl finally discover the truth.

Following a trawl of his sexy web-site favourites last Wednesday, Barry arranged to meet with a group of like-minded men in a darkened lane on the outskirts of Bath to watch a couple of exhibitionists 'do the nasty' in a parked Saab. A few minutes into these naughty dogging antics and several middle-aged individuals were gathered to observe the man and woman inside, a couple who suddenly halted their foreplay to produce a pair of shotguns from the back seat. These weren't willing doggers after all, but professional hold-up merchants Trevor and Julie Backwash, two armed chavs who make a career from preying on the foolish and sexually weird of Western England.

The now-flaccid doggers were ordered to give up their wallets and mobile phones before the criminal duo made them strip at gunpoint, stole their clothes, then tied the men up before driving away giggling. The naked perverts were finally found five hours later by a passing milkman who took several polaroids before alerting the authorities. Barry now faces months in prison for indecent behaviour as well as a stay in hospital to treat his pneumonia.

Meanwhile Beryl has gone to stay with her mother for an indefinite period and The Sunday People yesterday bought the rights to several photos of a blue-tinged Bethel hopping around ploughed fields in the nod. These photos will accompany a major story in the paper this weekend, under the headline 'Once-Fat Dogger Loses Everything - Amazing Exclusive!"

I don't know what is more of a shock, the doggingor the fact the Big Barry is 58!!!!

Bet he wished he was still just an anonymous fat f*cker rather than a mostly forgotten z-list skinney-stickboy 'celebrity'.

Sven Hassel

2007-12-17T22:57:00.000Z

Joined the local library the other Friday (these half day Fridays are fantastic) and managed to pick up 3 Sven Hassel books. I thought these little gems were out of print... Been a few years since I read them but am really looking forward to having another read.

In case you weren't aware of this writer, he was a member of a Germal penal unit during the Second World War and the books are loosely based on his experiences, primarily on the Eastern front.

I heartily recommend you read these books if you get the chance to read them.

P.S. Support your local library.Use it or lose it.

Guess who's back... me, obviously

2007-09-16T10:55:00.000Z

I'm back. It's been a while but here I am once more (I know I've said that before but this time I mean it, honest...)

Just a quick catch up:
- I've been in my 'new' job for a year now andam still enjoying it;
- I've finally moved closer to work, no more sitting in Henley for 45 mins just to get to the bottom of a hill;
- I've just sneaked past the half way mark age-wise (i.e. 35);
- I'm still matching the description at the top of the page.

Oh yes, and still a Daily Mail reader (so opinions aplenty I have).

2005-10-17T23:08:00.000Z

Wars around the world are both less frequent and less deadly since the end of the Cold War, a new report claims.
The Human Security Report found a decline in every form of political violence except terrorism since 1992.
It found the number of armed conflicts had fallen by more than 40% in the past 13 years, while the number of very deadly wars had fallen by 80%.

Sounds like bollocks to me.

Cold war ended 1989 with the fall of the Berlin Wall. Since then there has been a war in the Balkans, two Gulf wars, at least one genocide in Brundi, Somalia, Liberia and Somalia apiece, not forgetting the ethnic clensing in Bosnia and Zimbawe.

Not sure what period they're comparing it with but I'm guessing it included both World Wars, which can't count in a comparison of 'peace time' conflicts as they were chuffing wars (there is a clue in the name, especially WW1 which was subtitled 'The Great War' and 'The war to end all wars').

Lisa Scott Lee

2005-10-17T22:58:00.000Z

I watched the MTV docu-soap on the aforementioned tottie, where she had to get a top 10 hit or give up music completely. Her single 'Electic' only got to number 13. Shame. Do not mistake this for my usual sarcasm, I feel that losing this talented singer from the popular music scene will have an adverse effect on it. you will certainly lose my vote as she is fit as f*ck and well deserves a damn good letch every now and again (preferably again, and again, and again. although she's no Hendy).

New, New Labour

2005-10-10T20:43:00.000Z

Trying to create a Utopian society, based on the ideal that everyone is equal (although some are still more equal than others);

Arresting old men and holding them without charge under the Terrorism Act;

Herding socially unacceptable families into ghettoes (sorry secure areas);

Starting a war for the greater good of the populus.

Has socialism gone national..?

I'm back...hopefully for good

2005-10-10T20:33:00.000Z

Due to my PC turning into the biggest bag of shit ever,I've been unable to do a chuffing thing on it, let alone update the blog. Now I think (or rather hope) that it's sorted.

But now I'm back, to show you I can really dance.

Watch me now...

And just to prove it's me...

Hmm, two Hendeys...nice!!!

Update

2005-09-18T23:04:00.000Z

I passed my exams;

I am now another year older (if not wiser);

Nottinghamshire won the county championship and England won the Ashes both for the first time in 18 years;

County have lost their unbeaten record and are no longer top of the table:

Scum have won a second game this season and are no longer in the bottom 4;

Mansfield no longer have a manager due to Carlton Palmer leaving.

Postings

2005-09-18T22:57:00.000Z

You'll be pleased to know that I now have a newspaper delivered to my house, although it was slightly more difficult than originally planned. Unsurprisingly, it is the Daily Mail. This means that I will be pissed off about things almost every day and invariably sent into a rant at the slightest thing.

This should mean more postings in future, and on a slightly more frequent basis. Lucky you!!!

Just for good measure (again)

2005-09-18T22:53:00.000Z

TV 'clip shows'

2005-09-18T22:43:00.000Z

why is it only H list 'celebrities' appear on clip shows such as "I love the...", "Greatest...", "Worst..." etc.

If anyone gave a shit as to their opinion, they would be given thier own TV series. They haven't and so they get put on crap like this.

Why bother???

Just for good measure...

2005-09-01T22:16:00.000Z

Politics

2005-09-01T22:01:00.000Z

You will note that I was very quiet during the recent industrial action which dragged BA back into financial shit. I guessed that my position on the matter would be taken as red, so refrained from passing comment. Most unusual I know.

I will pass opinion on the Tory leadership battle though...

Ken Clarke - at least you know what he can do, and he's appears to be at one with the general slobs;

David Davies - bit posh, doubt he can be trusted;

David Cameron - best bet for a brighter future, but possibly not just jet;

Liam Fox & Theresa May - no, just no;

Sir Malcolm Rifkind - just 'cos he got back in Scotland does not equate to a majority to form Government;

Andrew Lansley & David Willetts - who?

My suggestion - Ken (as lng as he leaves Europe well alone) with David Cameron in a senior position to give him a bit of experience.

Job's a good 'un, it's that simple. Trust me, I'm not a polititian.

Hurricane Katrina

2005-09-01T21:51:00.000Z

It would appear that Fats Domino is missing as a result of the recent floods in New Orleans.

I hope he is found safe and well, as are all other people currently unaccounted for.

Yes, I'm hoping Americans are OK... but your average Joe Soap Hillbilly doesn't deserve to be killed by Mother Nature just because their sub-normal retarded President is on the payroll of major American and Saudi oilmen and completely fails to appreciate America's role in polluting the environment and will continue to advocate doing so until more cities are destroyed by the very force they seek to ignore.

Moral of this story: YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT THE FORCES OF NATURE, SO DON'T
PISS THEM OFF!!!

Welcome back to me...

2005-09-01T21:46:00.000Z

I apologise for a two week absence, surely I've not been content with life and happy with all around me?

No I haven't, but I've not been logging on whilst wound up so haven't been posting.

But now I'm back, to show you I can really shake it down...

Enjoy.

Crocodiles

2005-08-14T23:38:00.000Z

You should not trust a crocodile...

No animal should be allowed to exist that is as quick on land as it is in the water.

They are a bunch of sneaky bastards and should be wiped of the face of the Earth.

No offence, Mr Croc.

Forest

2005-08-14T23:34:00.000Z

And Forest are doing shit...

Could it get any better?

Only if the scum get relegated, we get promoted and we win the Ashes on my birthday.

I wonder what the odds are on that one???

The only true Magpies

2005-08-14T23:23:00.000Z

Notts County are currently third in the league and are unbeaten.

It's been so long since I heard these words, I'm still in shock. But God am I happy!!!

McDonalds

2005-07-26T23:59:00.000Z

If, as McD suggest "I'm loving it", why would I need to be subjected to their shit adverts? Surely I'd already be at the drive though (due to me being too fucking lazy, or fat, to get out of my car and walk to the counter) ordering their fat laden shit-arse burgers.

If you want my business, don't tell me how much someone else likes this stuff. I want to be told that it'll make a man of me and make me desirable to women. (I'm thinking those cigarette companies go it right in the past.)

Otherwise, be honest and point out that excessive eating of your fatty product will ensure I gain several pound, turn my skin greasier than an authentic kebab, increase my blood presssure and generally fuck up any chance of being healthy for the next several generations.

I am not trying to claim that their rival are any better, but as Morgan Spurlock argues, they are the best known brand and should be challenged.

PS. The salad options of all fast food outlets contain as many calories as the burgers (due to the dressing). Either give the dressing a miss and suffer the blandness of the salad or get your already fat arse down to M&S and get as decent salad which can be eaten without several layers of dressing (or god forbid, go to the supermarket, buy some salad stuff and make your own).

Football

2005-07-26T23:50:00.000Z

"Edgar Davids is poised to join Tottenham from Inter Milan on a free transfer subject to a medical and agreeing personal terms. "

I'd like to point out that Mr Davids is one of numerous inter players who have refused to come on the pre-season friendly tour of Britain due to "security fears" as a result of the underground bombings.

I wonder, how often is he planning on travelling on the Tube once he's over here? I suspect that Spurs are prepared to pay him enough to be able to afford to pay the Congestion Charge on a daily basis so that his personal chauffeur can avoid such unpleasentness.

Maybe all professional footballers (and other overpaid sportsmen, no wait that's it) should get their agents to include this as part of any transfer and contract offers.

They probably already do and I'm giving them too much credit for not having thought of it.

Business News

2005-07-26T23:46:00.000Z

"Online retailer Amazon.com has unveiled a slip in profits despite sales increasing by a quarter."

Maybe they should hire several Executive Vice-Presidents and get rid of a few "overheads", that'll sort them out...

Stars In Their Eyes

2005-07-26T23:44:00.000Z

"A Liverpool football fan has been jailed for 15 years for the attempted murder of a Bulgarian barman, despite another man admitting responsibility."

Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be James Hanratty...

Sarah

2005-07-26T23:37:00.000Z

Thought I'd stick another picture of Sarah on, just for the hell of it.

Doctor Who (new series)

2005-07-25T20:41:00.000Z

Popular 1970s character Sarah Jane, played by Elisabeth Sladen, will join new Doctor Who actor David Tennant.

Rather it was Perri (below).

Retirement

2005-07-25T20:16:00.000Z

"Britons should have to work until they are 67 before they receive a state pension, a new report has suggested.
The higher age for payments should be introduced between 2020 and 2030, according to the Institute of Public Policy Research report."

Why don't we just not bother retiring and continue to work until we drop dead? At least that way we don't have to save for a pension (which will be worth fuck all by retirement age anyway) and we can reduce our National Insurance contributions.

Wait, I've just realised...

Scrooge McBrown would have to find a new way of removing our money from us.

He's already taxed the pension funds (the only effect of which has been to obliterate any chance of having sufficient fund to retire) and incorporated the NI contribution into the general Treasury coffers (rather than keeping it separate to pay for the NHS and other people's pensions).

Maybe this is their plan:

Use the lure of retirement as a giant carrot to keep us paying into the scroungers slush fund (or Welfare State to use it's official name) but never allow the hard working masses to ever retrieve anything from it.

On a slightly related topic, I wonder how much more you get on benefits as opposed to living off the state pension? And what the fuck have the have these people got to retire from?

The luck of the Scots

2005-07-19T19:56:00.000Z

You've got to feel a little sorry for Scotland when it comes to sport.

They invariably get drawn against Brazil for their first game in the footie World Cup and now they've got an opener against Australia in the cricket.

Never mind, its expensive being away for that second week of a tournament.

Choice

2005-07-19T19:50:00.000Z

Fee-charging cash machines (ATMs) are aiding rather than hurting consumer choice, the government has said.
The government welcomed the spread of over 20,000 fee-charging ATMs as convenient and not posing a threat to the free-to-use machine network.

How come whenever a government think tank encourages us to have a choice about something it csts us money?

Failure

2005-07-19T19:46:00.000Z

Liz Beattie, a retired teacher, will call on the association's annual gathering in Buxton, Derbyshire, to "delete the word 'fail' from the educational vocabulary to be replaced with the concept of 'deferred success'".

I'm saying nothing...

Sarah Hendy (again)

2005-07-19T19:37:00.000Z

I've not seen Sarah on the telly for a few days so I though I'd stick a picture of her here for us all to enjoy.

Great Movie Quotes

2005-07-18T22:58:00.000Z

Sir, listen to your friend. he knows what he's talking about...

Said in a Sauff Affricann accent of course...

Recognition

2005-07-18T22:17:00.000Z

Whilst it must be said I have not had much to rant about recently, I feel I must say this at least...

My admiration goes out to our dedicated members of the emergency services who have worked so selflessly whilst dealing with the aftermath of the London bombings. They are an inspiation to us all and, if truth be known, put the rest of us to shame with thier dedicated service even in the face of increased danger.

Anyone who can spend over a week trying to recover the bodies of those who perished in this disaster despite terrible and unforgiving conditions should be awarded the highest honours available (and I am thinking of the George Cross)

Can you think of a better honour? If a woman who runs two races in the Olymics and wins them both (not that I'm saying that does not deserve recognition, although Steve Redgrave had to win 5 on the trot) can achieve a Damehood , then why can't a dedicated public servant be recognised during a time of national emergency?

It's about time our honours list actually honours someone who does deserves it, rather than someone who got it for either funding a political party (yes, I'm thinking New Labour) or who has served the public by being a lollypop lady (or person, if you're a big lefty PC fag) for the last 200 years.

The next honours list is at Christmas... unfortunately we've missed Her Majesties Birthday, but should the next set of honours ignore the transient celebrities and reward te real heroes of the people?

Bollocks to David Beckham et al for winning fuck all; even if we do win the Ashes what victory is that in the face of internstionmal terrorism?

Only recently has the honours system been so de-valued that it no longer has any meaning to anyone who does not actually earn the honour it bestoes.

Whilst I applaude those 'ordinary' people who deserve such honours, I feel the celebrity cult has rended such advanced honours obsolete and as unobtainable to 'ordinary' people as an Oscar.

Honours to all, except those who have sold the photo rights to Hello (they can all burn in hell, as can those in OK magazine).

Greatest Rock Bands

2005-07-18T22:03:00.000Z

BBC online reported recently that that after separate polls of the greatest rock vocalist, guitarist, bassist and drummer the winners were the members of Led Zepplin.

Whilst I have no doubt that Led Zepplin were the greatest Rock band of all time, I do have a couple of queries about the poll.

First, and in my opinion most importantly: Why do Jack Bruce and Ginger Baker appear due to their appearence in Cream (both deserved) when Eric Clapton does not?

Second, how does John Paul Jones come out above Jack Bruce? Not only was Jack a fantastic bass player, he also sang and wrote many of Cream's hits.

Whilst their are several other issues with this list, I shall leave them to another post...

Jackanory

2005-07-05T23:23:00.000Z

I hear Jackanory is being brought back.

Thank God for that.

I remember Jackanory with great affection from my childhood and remember to this day that it was 'James and the Giant Peach' which first put into context the limitations of a shark's jaw (probably one of the reasons for my current shape).

I watched an interview with a member of the Head Teachers Union a few weeks ago where they they were wanting a change of curriculum to move away from studying classical literature to reading books like Harry Potter instead.

The justification for this was... "that childen found this more interesting and were thus more likely to read books".

Call me old fashioned if you like, but I was under the impression that you read books you enjoyed at home (encouraged by your parents) and read books which were educational at school. Hence my relief and joy at the return of Jackanory.

I'm not having a go at teachers.

They are professional people trying to do their job whilst continously fighting against a growing tide of interference and apathy from those who are supposed to support them.

This is a rant against parents (not all, but certainly a growing minority).

Educators are required to provide a certain amount of information based on the present curriculum (more recently influenced by modern political trends), but without extra parental encouragement and an indepandant desire for knowledge there can never be any advances.

If those parents who spent so much of their time critisising teachers put that effort into assisting them by encouraging their children to external learning, they would have less reason to critisise in the first place.

Voting at General Elections

2005-07-05T23:01:00.000Z

I read over the weekend that one way to tackle the growing apathy towards poilitics is to fine anyone who does not vote at the General Election. This was put forward by a member of the Cabinet.

What a fantastic way to promote democracy. If you don't go out and vote for one of our career polititians (who is bound to be more concerned with retaining their seat, and lucrative expenses account which you pay for, than with YOUR concerns regarding anything) we'll prosecute you, and as we control the courts (again, democracy in action) we're going to win.

Why don't they just introduce a voting tax and be done with it? It would save time, unless a voting tax credit was introduced where you could claim back the cost of not voting if you did actually manage to drag yourself away from Trisha and get yourself down to the polling station.

Obviously it would be YOUR responsibility to ensure you applied for this credit, and the government could not held to account if you did vote and still had to pay the tax. Unless you voted the way they wanted... and weren't white, middle class, married, employed, a home owner or British, in which case you'd probably have to pay more.

Dave Gilmour

2005-07-05T22:49:00.000Z

"I will not profit from the concert," the guitarist said. "This is money that should be used to save lives."

This is from someone whose album sales have incresed 1343% as a result of the concert.

I've been a fan of Pink Floyd for several years now and this has increased my affection for the band (or Dave Gilmour at least).

I wonder how many of the other performers will be as generous?

LIVE 8 STARS' ALBUMS BOOST
1. Pink Floyd - Echoes: The Best of Pink Floyd - 1343%
2. The Who - Then and Now - 863%
3. Annie Lennox - Eurythmics Greatest Hits - 500%
4. Dido - Life for Rent - 412%
5. Razorlight - Up All Night - 335%
6. Robbie Williams - Greatest Hits - 320%
7. Joss Stone - Mind, Body and Soul - 309%
8. Sting - The Very Best of Sting & The Police - 300%
9. Travis - Singles - 268%
10. Madonna - Immaculate Collection - 200%
Source: HMV

We'll see...

Tom Cruise (part 2)

2005-07-05T22:12:00.000Z

I feel I have to highlight the recent TV interview Mr Cruise did where he tried to dismiss psychology and psychiatry as a bunch of crap.

I only caught an overview of this story and am thus likely to be going into this with only half the facts, but that's never stopped me before.

Is this man a complete tit? Granted, Freud has been universily dismissed as a big perv over the years (although I am aware that his theories are being reviewed in the light of current research, maybe we ARE just a bunch of motherf***ers as both he and Snoop have concluded) the overall science of the brain is pretty much established and accepted now.

For someone, who is a Christian Scientist (not quite sure what these fruitcakes believe, bet he's a Creationist though! Evolution, that's just Commie talk.), to say on national US TV that this is all a bunch of bollocks disturbs me.

In an era when a lot of people listen to the opinions of celebrities and accept their isolated world view as the truth, this is a dangerous opinion to be spouting in a country who is only just adjusting to the fact that there are other countries out there.

History

2005-06-27T22:16:00.000Z

Why is Britain the only country which seems to be so considerate towards other countries feelings when it comes to marking the anniversiary of any battle where we were the victors?

Obviously my thought dwell upon the impending 'celebration' of Nelsons victory at Trafalgar. As part of the Fleet Review, which is normally carried out to commemorate either the coronation or jubilee of a monarch, there will be a mock battle involving ships from several nation. Rather than have what would be expected on this particular anniversary, the Navy has decided to have a Reds vs. Blues contest. This quote, by our own Second Sea Lord, demonstrates the depths to which this compassion has sunk(forgive the pun):

"the event is a celebration of a battle at sea at the time of Nelson - not an exact mock-up of the British and French at Trafalgar".

OK, so why wait until the 200th anniverary of this particular battle? Surely the best time to perform the Fleet Review would have been in 2002 during the Golden Jubilee celebrations. Oh no, three years ago it was considered too expensive. I'd love to know why it's now cheap enough to do. Do we get a discount from Admiral to insurance the event this year (pun intended on that one) and does that include unintentional emotional distress cover?

History is written by the winning side so the saying goes. I wonder why it is now being changed to ensure we upset no-one when it's mentioned? is anyone else doing it? I doubt it.
I can understand why the defeated nations (and I include Britain) gloss over certain battles where it did nothing to distinguish itself. Example - how many people can name a battle other than Rouke's Drift during the Zulu Wars? I'll even go so far as to accept the constant desire for Hollywood to abuse the term 'artistic licence' in order to get a happy ending (although I stand by my principles for anything where the Yanks were not even involved, I'll just say Braveheart and leave it at that).

The one area I do draw the line is to prevent anyone getting upset about the result.

Do we skirt around the issue every Saterday afternoon when the footie finishes? More often than not there is a winning side and a losing side. Where are President Tony's thought police then? No where in in sight, although that's one bandwagon onto which our illustrious leader often jumps when it suits him.

Note: I'm not going to go off on one about the mentality of football suporters in this post. I'll save that one for later.

What's past is past. History has gone, the result written in the great annals of time. You can't change what happenned after the battle was won. Re-writing the Civil War isn't going to re-attach Charles I's head, re-writing what happened at Hirosima and Nagasaki isn't going to bring millions of people back to life.

Accepting the past is the only way we can we learn from it.

Lightning destroys Star Wars toys

2005-06-22T23:23:00.000Z

Another from the BBC website:

"The force deserted Star Wars fan Graham Duck when a lightning strike destroyed his £20,000 collection of toys and memorabilia from the films.
The 41-year-old had returned to his home in Loftus, near Redcar, just hours before fierce storms devastated parts of northern England.
Lightning struck the roof of his house, causing a fire in a loft, where he stored his beloved collection.
It took Cleveland Fire Brigade 90 minutes to put out the blaze."

Now that's just unlucky...

Big Brother

2005-06-22T22:48:00.000Z

Quote from todays BBC website:

"Reality TV show Big Brother portrays role models with values that inspire its viewers, the chief executive of Channel 4 has said.

Andy Duncan said the show offered positive values, transformatory experiences and examples of personal self-improvement and growth.

He added the contestants had "honesty, integrity, constancy and kindness".
Mr Duncan, a practising Christian, was talking to a Christian group about his channel's religious output."

And there was me thinking they were just a shallow collection of self obsessed, media-wannabe whores only loking for their 15 minutes of fame.

Appears that Andy Warhol and myself were wrong about these people, and that Channel 4 is actually showing a reality TV version of the second coming. Do you think that they'll all get completely wasted at the live broadcast of the Last Supper, denounce the latest transvestite to be included on the series as the new Judas (at least they'll get to show a homosexual kiss during the betrayal scene), who will then go on to win his 30 pieces of silver.

At least none of licence fee is going towards this crap.

Cricket

2005-06-21T23:59:00.000Z

When did Bangladesh get better at cricket?

All the best to them as they progress but there just seems to have been a massive leap in their performances lately.

Do you think that their training regime now includes the liberal drinking of Carling Black Label / Red Bull shandies?

10 Year Labour Transport Plan

2005-06-21T23:45:00.000Z

Q: How do you get people out of their cars during rush hours and back onto public transport?

A: Increase the price of travel on already overcrowded commuter trains.

This idea has come from people who are professional politicians. Why don't they just shut the fuck up and leave policy making to people who:
a. have actually been on public tyransport,
b. drive their own cars rather than have a publicly funded chauffeur, or
c. have had a proper job at least once in their life (and being an overpaid lawyer DOES NOT count).

Might I suggest, bearing in mind I qualify on all three counts, that the sensible way to reduce the overcrowding on early morning trains, is either to add more carridges or increase the number of trains stopping at stations on their way to London from anywhere where it is possible to afford somewhere to live.

Putting the price up helps no-one get to work, does not reduce overcrowding and further reduces the possibility of anyone transferring out of their cars and onto the trains.

Let the train take the strain? If only it took it off the wallet.

Tom Cruise

2005-06-21T05:34:00.000Z

Now, I don't normally like Tom Cruise. It's nothing personal, I'm sure he's a truely nice bloke but there's just something about how much he smiles. Nobody should be that happy, even though he's got shit loads of money, a fantastic fiancee (can you believe she's only 26, she's been around for ages and still doesn't look any older than when she was in Dawson's Creek) and a beautful ex-wife (what did he do wrong there? Oh yeah, the Cruz woman!!).

Anyway, enough of my jealousy (the short-arse git) back to the point in hand.

I had to admire the way he deal with that 'jerk' who squirted water at him at the recent premier of War of the Worlds. It's about time someone pointed that these bunch of idiotic fuckwits who seem to think that moronic, immature stunts constitute some form of comedy are in fact just a complete bunch reterded knobjockeys. I don't doubt that there is some appeal within the American market for such stunts, but on that basis alone, my case rests. I will return to the "American Question" in later entries. I might like a bit bush, but not if it comes with a 'W' in front.

Sarah Hendy

2005-06-20T23:50:00.000Z

To say I'm a fan of Miss Hendy would be an understatement to say the least. She is absolutely stunning and has the most fantastic pair of legs you could ever wish to lay your eyes on.

Anyone who wishes to find out more about this gorgeous Welsh wonder, simply head off to her web site www.sarahhendy.com where you will find out all you could ever wish to know and view a gallery of some of the best photographs ever taken.

Barry Bethal

2005-06-20T22:54:00.000Z

Whatever happened to Barry Bethal? I'd love to know.

Did he stay on the 'Slim Fast' diet or did he stop and revert to being a big fat chubber?

Barry, if you're out there, I'd love to hear from you and find out how things have gone since you did the advert.

American English

2005-06-20T22:51:00.000Z

American English.

What the fuck is that? English is English, simple as that. We don't say Canadian French (I know they've only got Quebec left, and doesn't really count, but I couldn't think of any other French colonies) or Mexican Spanish, so why should we accept that the Americans have any claim over any form of the English language? They can't even speak it properly, or spell colour - bet "Speak and Spell" didn't sell too well in the States (that's one for the oldies out there. Remember the advert?).